Do Men Fear the "Flanders" Effect?

What is the Temperature of Your Church? That was one of the many questions asked in the book, Why Men Hate Going To Church, by David Murrow. The book is a fascinating response to the real issue that is going on in our world. Men are staying away from the church more than ever before. Did you know that less than 40% of the average congregation are men? In fact, more than 25% of married women attend church without their husbands. According to Christianity Today, many non-Christian men may fear turning into Ned Flanders if they attend church. Who is Ned Flanders? Fans of “The Simpsons” know Ned as the boring, straight-laced fellow who’s doorbell chimes a hymn and whose afraid to let his kids play with dice in the Monopoly game. That depiction of the Christian man is not only ridiculous, but a turn-off to most men.
Biblical advice to the church in Titus 2:6-8 says, “ (the old men should) …encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness, and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned…” Murrow claims that many churches have gotten away from taking the temperature of the men and finding out where their thermostat is set, thus, making the church a place men fear. In other words, when you go to a movie, what kind of movie are you going to see? Honestly, guys know a “chick flick” from a “guy’s movie”. You can definitely tell a Hugh Grant movie from Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry can’t you? That is as simple as it gets. Some men hate going to “chick flicks” and some men hate going to church. Men want to be men and feel manly, even at church.
Most churches have more than one thermostat. Many women want their church thermostat set on comfort. That is where the church is decorated with all of the comforts of any self respecting females digs… flowers, plants, doilies, and of course peace. Rick Warren calls these churches “family reunion churches.” If you continue to move the thermostat further you find other settings men fear. Ceremony setting is one where the church’s purpose is to keep traditions just as they have been kept for years. There is a control setting that loves to heap guilt trips and power plays on both men and women and many men just can’t stand that. Similar are the last two thermostat settings of conformity and confrontation. Pressure is put on to make people conform to “the rules” of the church (the Pharisee would have loved that setting!) while confrontation settings turn up the heat so much that men run out wishing they could slug someone, including the Pastor from the harsh words dealt out each week.
So what is the solution since men and women are often as different as Mars and Venus. How can the thermostat be set to keep both genders happy in the same church? While it is not a simple answer, Murrow suggests this thesis… men want to be challenged. Challenging, not in a confrontational manner, but stressing the mission of reaching out to people in service and evangelism for the kingdom of God. It is challenging in caring for those who are needy in spirit and material, but it does not seek personal comfort alone. Such a church challenges from the pulpit in direct to the point teaching, yet it is the church attendees who challenge one another to live lives seeking maturity in Christ. As scripture says, men learn by example. The church must find ways to allow men to see into the lives of other men. That, according to Murrow, will lead men to spiritual maturity. So what is the temperature at your church? I pray that it is one of challenge for men and women.

Steve Harvey Introduces Jesus Christ...

Thanks to Carrie McCullough for this VIDEO... CLICK HERE.

BACK from DRIVE 09...

Here is a hillariously stupid video from Johnny and Chachi we saw at Drive 09, just for a laugh.

Talking to Ourselves?

I have a silly question. “Do you ever talk to yourself?” Of course you do… I think we all have those conversations in our brains. Now for my second question, “Who are you talking to?” Some people may say that they are just rambling to themselves. But if you think about it, maybe there is another answer.
Author John Eldredge tells the story of a Christmas tradition where his family goes into the woods to chop down their annual Christmas tree. It was the weekend after Thanksgiving and John, his wife Stasi, and their two boys scheduled their trip on that Friday. As the week unfolded, things were hectic and crazy, as we all know life can be, but the family was determined to go on Friday. But, John prayed about going. When he did, he said to himself, “we need to wait until next weekend.” Indeed, his wife heard the same thing when she prayed about it. But, they had plans the next weekend and getting the tree would really work best the way they had planned… so off they went! Did I mention that John and his family live in Colorado? That weekend as they headed into the woods, the snow came down in piles and the jeep slid off the road ending up in a ditch. What had been a fantastic family outing turned into an ordeal. After not one, but two flat tires, a dead battery, and 10 degree weather, the family got their Charlie Brown Christmas tree… all three feet of it. Why didn’t John and Stasi listen to God’s wise counsel? Simple, they like so many of us want to do things our own way.
In the Bible, the book of James 4:8 says, “Come near to God and God will come near to you” and the book of Isaiah 50:4 claims, “God wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.” God really wants to have a conversation with us. Really. But while God wants to speak with us, we are not attuned to God’s voice. I believe that we can learn to hear God just like we learn to play an instrument. In fact, I think that more than we realize it, we are in constant communication with God.
One evening I was working with the teenagers at my church and I brought up the questions I posed earlier about talking to ourselves. One of the teenagers responded. As I looked at him, I could see the light bulb pop on. He said that just before he grabbed the biggest kid in school in a moment of after school horseplay, the thought burst into his mind….”don’t do it.” With a big grin and a large cast on his right arm he knew that the voice in his head wasn’t solely his own idea, but the voice of God trying to look out for him. We hear that voice from time to time but most of the time, we ignore it. Certainly, even the best listeners miss God’s voice from time to time, but if we ask questions of God, we may find surprising and real answers. “What are you saying?” That is a question that should constantly be on our minds.
So here is the challenge. For the next few weeks, every day take the time to ask God “What are you saying to me?” Take the time after to listen… as in be quiet. It may be done anywhere, just try it and let’s see what you hear. You may even think yourself nuts, but that’s okay we can all be nutty sometimes. I think that in a few weeks, if you practice this simple exercise, I believe you will find God in a closer way. My daughters are taking piano lessons. They have been at it for months. Do you think they play better now or when they started… exactly! You will get better at it, but it may at first seem like sour notes… but simply try it… talk to yourself… talk to God.