Do Men Fear the "Flanders" Effect?

What is the Temperature of Your Church? That was one of the many questions asked in the book, Why Men Hate Going To Church, by David Murrow. The book is a fascinating response to the real issue that is going on in our world. Men are staying away from the church more than ever before. Did you know that less than 40% of the average congregation are men? In fact, more than 25% of married women attend church without their husbands. According to Christianity Today, many non-Christian men may fear turning into Ned Flanders if they attend church. Who is Ned Flanders? Fans of “The Simpsons” know Ned as the boring, straight-laced fellow who’s doorbell chimes a hymn and whose afraid to let his kids play with dice in the Monopoly game. That depiction of the Christian man is not only ridiculous, but a turn-off to most men.
Biblical advice to the church in Titus 2:6-8 says, “ (the old men should) …encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness, and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned…” Murrow claims that many churches have gotten away from taking the temperature of the men and finding out where their thermostat is set, thus, making the church a place men fear. In other words, when you go to a movie, what kind of movie are you going to see? Honestly, guys know a “chick flick” from a “guy’s movie”. You can definitely tell a Hugh Grant movie from Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry can’t you? That is as simple as it gets. Some men hate going to “chick flicks” and some men hate going to church. Men want to be men and feel manly, even at church.
Most churches have more than one thermostat. Many women want their church thermostat set on comfort. That is where the church is decorated with all of the comforts of any self respecting females digs… flowers, plants, doilies, and of course peace. Rick Warren calls these churches “family reunion churches.” If you continue to move the thermostat further you find other settings men fear. Ceremony setting is one where the church’s purpose is to keep traditions just as they have been kept for years. There is a control setting that loves to heap guilt trips and power plays on both men and women and many men just can’t stand that. Similar are the last two thermostat settings of conformity and confrontation. Pressure is put on to make people conform to “the rules” of the church (the Pharisee would have loved that setting!) while confrontation settings turn up the heat so much that men run out wishing they could slug someone, including the Pastor from the harsh words dealt out each week.
So what is the solution since men and women are often as different as Mars and Venus. How can the thermostat be set to keep both genders happy in the same church? While it is not a simple answer, Murrow suggests this thesis… men want to be challenged. Challenging, not in a confrontational manner, but stressing the mission of reaching out to people in service and evangelism for the kingdom of God. It is challenging in caring for those who are needy in spirit and material, but it does not seek personal comfort alone. Such a church challenges from the pulpit in direct to the point teaching, yet it is the church attendees who challenge one another to live lives seeking maturity in Christ. As scripture says, men learn by example. The church must find ways to allow men to see into the lives of other men. That, according to Murrow, will lead men to spiritual maturity. So what is the temperature at your church? I pray that it is one of challenge for men and women.